At 8 PM visitor hours ended and Paul had to go. I was still groggy when the nurse told me a private room was available (about 8:30 PM? Too bad it wasn't earlier - no visitor hour limits for privates), and the two of us were wheeled away.
Did I fall asleep? I remember a new nurse taking Baby's vitals and changing him for me. Then she explained she was going to remove my catheter and help me clean up. I remember how she helped me wheel the IV stand into the washroom, changed my dressings, and when I was wincing unable to bend, helped me put on my underwear. I cried -- so grateful she was there it overcame any embarrassment.
Did I fall asleep? 5:30 AM A new nurse was taking Baby's vitals and asking me when I last fed him. I checked the log: Last night at 11 PM. HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO GO FOR MORE THAN 3 HOURS BETWEEN FEEDS! But he didn't cry, he didn't wake up... YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAKE HIM... HE'S PREMATURE AND SMALL... HE CAN'T REGULATE HIS BODY - HE NEEDS TO EAT. She didn't yell, but her tone was hard and I understood the seriousness of it.
He could he have died from sugar levels dropping too low. I felt a failure: I didn't remember anyone telling me the 3 hour rule. Was it in the books? The pamphlets?
I cried at what might have happened. And then again in relief: when he didn't latch, he took the bottle.
2 comments:
This makes me livid. What the hell kind of protocol is it that puts the responsibility for monitoring a vulnerable patient in the hands of someone addled and exhausted from abdominal surgery?! Even if they had told you that James needed to be fed every three hours, how on earth did they imagine you would be able to stay awake / wake up repeatedly on your own immediately after surgery?? Why wasn't it part of their rounds to come knocking every three hours to make sure you were awake and able to handle feeding him? Sheesh, you weren't able to bend over to dress yourself. This is the point of being in the hospital: they're supposed to HELP you! Humbug. I've read about childbirth being given short shrift in comparison to other medical situations, but I would have thought a C-section would at least warrant some understanding. Apparently not. Can you imagine if a guy in for a gall bladder surgery (which is probably laparoscopic, come to think of it) were told he had to wake himself up every three hours to tend to the patient in the next bed - while still overwhelmed, exhausted and in pain? Grr. I'm glad things worked out alright in the end, but very sorry you and James had to go through that. You are most emphatically not a failure - their system failed both of you.
Looking back now and reading your comment, I realise just how absurd the situation was.
It's senseless to the point I now question if it could all be true: Was the nurse wrong and over emphasized James's vulnerability? He was on the cusp for age and weight, and nurses were coming in every 3 hours to check vitals. But they didn't necessarily check if he'd eaten or not.
Or maybe I'm the one who misunderstood:
- Over-sensitive when she lectured me, and so thought he was more at risk than he was, or
- Under-sensitive, thinking since they left him with me that he was strong enough to go with whatever care I could give him.
Regardless, I'd like to think now that if he was really in trouble or could have been in danger they would have taken him for more serious monitoring and care. But at the time I just felt horrible guilt.
Post a Comment