What keeps you awake at night?

"I suspect that your problem," he said, "is that you have too many paperclips up your nose."

~ Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Wrote the final exam for the class yesterday, and instead of feeling a great sense of relief was more wired than before and couldn't sleep. I could barely remember what I had written. No weird laughing sequences during the exam, but do recall being terribly concerned about whether a memo should end with "Cheers" or "Regards".

I had studied (crammed) on the preceeding nights, with papers spread out all over the kitchen table. Mom came and sat with me, reading the Chinese newspaper. It was past her bed time and I told her to go to sleep. She kept reading and didn't get up until I was done for the night. This seemed particularly sad.

Looking forward to some quality sleep this weekend... until I find out next week whether I have to start studying (more cramming) for the National.

For Catherine's birthday, we ended up playing with FIMO and enjoying some indirect sunlight. Sculpting is not easy. I tried to make a friend for the gnome (right) that Cathering had created. We wondered whether there were female gnomes... and if they had beards too. The cats were just so cute. I was so allergic.

How I Annoy Dad

... without even trying

I am unkempt, and ungraceful.
I am barefoot indoors.
I am indecisive.
I waste water. I waste electricty.
I save garbage.
I am late.
I do not value time.
I am not ambitious.
I do things that are useless, meaningless, crazy.
I am never at home.
I talk back.
I don't talk.
I drive under the speed limit.

INFJ

Happy Birthday Catherine!

Office retreat is only 2 weeks away, and they've sent out a portion of our development activity: The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

I was taking a break from statements, to do the test. I figured it would be fun, and was trying to answer honestly, but yeesh, some of these questions. Lidia flipped though it suspiciously, and asks "Should I answer truthfully?" "Of, course... Why not?" Hm... am I too gullible in thinking that this would be fun and maybe even helpful?

Anyway, after all the tallying and what not, it tells me I'm an INFJ - Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging.

So is this right? There's a whole list of online resources offering to interpret the results. Lidia's now having fun with it, and looking at the compability tests. Morgan being more skeptical, says it's just like a horoscope - you can find a little bit of yourself in all types.

True... but I'm particularly impressed that the Personality Page predicts that I have "a consistently messy desk." It's like they know me.

A long weekend unfocused

The plan was to study. And... I did a little. But the weekend was more about other things... such procrastination.

Filled my procrastination quota on Saturday by doing housework. I dusted. I vaccumed. I did some more playing around with the sewing machine (still can't figure out pants). Admist this avoidant flurry, Mom comments that I'm finally doing something productive.

Do end up leaving the house (thereby keeping some sanity), to attend George's Games Night. Oh, the games we played! There was chess (Peter against Darren, Darren against David), there was checkers (Lana and Peter with M&M playing pieces on the chess board), and the "Put together the barbeque" game. That last one drove George to the instruction manual. I was told this was a photo worthy moment.

Later in the night - a group has gathered in George's bedroom. This resulted in another photo worthy moment: Strip poker! Shay's feet and Amber's ears were soon bare. Grace had the foresight to wrap a bunch of George's clothes (found in the room) around herself before the game started. But didn't really need to. By 10 p.m., when most of the players had to head out to a club, the worst loosers were still decent. Lana was only short two earrings and sock (total beginner's luck).

Next day, met up with Pib to explore downtown and to catch Shrek The Third. Without a really big set schedule, he indulged me by letting me stop every so often to take photos. Fascinated by the stuff I found. Why were there so many abandoned shoes? Also had to ask the question: How do you photograph a dead bird? I speculated that there was probably a book out there... Pib pulls out his cell phone (he knows who to ask). I inadvertently block sidewalk to take the shot. A fatherly figure leads a child around me and explains "It's just a dead bird."









Monday: I didn't exactly exhaust the housework, but after some laundry finally decided this was was the time. And I studied... for almost 2 whole hours (I know it boggles the mind). And then I went out with Catherine to quell the cookie monster cravings, while watching A Knight's Tale with Jenn, Steph, and Erik. Rem showed up about half way through. The movie night was very successful (i.e. a full length movie was watched!). Jenn had brought her homemade (awesome) cherry-cranberry-oatmeal cookies, and there was chocolate. I felt very special (and of course, silly).

Jenn: I kneed her.
Erik: Everyone needs Lana.

Forecast for the rest of the week: More studying... more procrastination... oh right, work.

Pleasant Surprises

Lana is a cookie monster.

Try to catch up at work after visiting Eva. Despite having two temporary staff members, it still feels impossible. Lidia mentions that in the past the office would close for a whole week to do statements. What a thought. I have stopped answering my phone.

Mood lifts when Malcolm walks through the door. Surprise! He bears homemade gingersnaps and shares one with me. Another goes to Lidia and she gives her seal of approval.

Past five. Still working. Going through more statements. A call comes on my cell - it still works? I'm glad it does. Found myself invited to see Diamond Dogs at the Catalyst Theatre. A firm meeting time forces me to leave the office and I take a walk. Mood improves even more. But look as though I was crying or sick from breathing in the pollen laced air, and so give in and take half a pill of generic antihistamine.

Unplanned / unexpected can be fun. Erik and I rush over to the theatre engaging in some (very cool *flourish*, extremely trendy... geeky?) J-walking. I've never been inside the Catalyst before. The walls in lobby are covered with bunched tan-coloured fabric that feels like suede (fun project with staple gun!). The show makes me laugh. Described to me as "like Snatch", it too involved lots of swearing, mixed high-jinx, and accents. Oh, and very cute dog. And I guess it was about crime, and inept criminals too. Was very impressed by how fast the scenes changed. Props and furniture were whisked in and out before one knew it.

Next day returned to work. Feeling like I was cheated - the night before felt like a Friday. But was greeted with a big tub of "Statement Cookies" (courtesy of Morgan). I take an oatmeal-raisin and get to work. Statements here, statemens there. Wanted to declare my desk a free zone (already too many papers) - but statement contamination happens.

So very glad it is a long weekend.

Achoo! It's two o'clock in the morning, and a sneeze wakes me. I lie there and think: It is the season where living alone in a dark, stuffy, windowless room would be wonderful. Depressing, maybe. But also free of pollen allergens, and parents who insist that opening the window is a good idea (fung shui and otherwise).

None of this though, could compare with Eva. She's in the hospital. I arrive at work thinking that it's just another day. But I find Lidia pacing and worried. Eva had her operation yesterday, and Lidia had found out the results. I had thought Eva had gone in for her arm, maybe her stomach. Lidia tells me it was cancer. The word quickly spreads around the team, and a group of us decide to go and visit Eva at lunch.

My brain finds things funny, when it needs to be serious. And I saw it being comical. TipTip, Lorena, Lidia and I pile into TipTip's car. Lidia has the address and directions, but forgot her glasses. Lorena and I are in the backseat trying to direct the way. When we get there the only spot on the street required parallel parking. TipTip does it and we cheer.

When we're inside, Eva looks happy to see us. She shows us her new toys: The bed with all the buttons, a hand held button to release morphin. She jokes that we should be hooking up some vodka to her IV. Her cheeks are rosy. She says she's been able to sit up and walk a little. When we leave she squeezed each of our hands, and started to cry.

We get back to work, and talk in the car. Sophia (Eva's daughter) was with us for part of the way. She tells us a little about the treatment, and what's been going on. We drop her off, and the others wonder about Jorge (Eva's husband), who had been in the room with us. There are a lot of expectations of a spouse, I had not realised.

Lidia is feeling more hopeful and is more positive that Eva will get better. We sign "Get Well" cards and try to think of things to say.

Food, Photos, and Music

"That's no banana oil."
~ David "the Slangman" Burke, And Sometimes Y

Headed over to Feast with empty hands and stomach, and was completely spoiled again by Rem's cooking. There was zucchini! Cameras started to appear. CA of Kokopelli and bicycle, had a film SLR. Liam with an old-style German film camera made of metal (ack, really need to learn more about hardware). Stephen had his digital. He showed us a series of pictures loosely titled "people rolling down hill while drunk". It ended with one person stopped by a tree, and another walking victoriously toward the camera. I was starting to feeling a bit competitive / threatened and had to bring out my own. Micah's came out too. Five cameras... this had the makings for a very well documented night.

There was an unintentional split of the "Hats" and the "Hats not". One group inside, one group in... except for the spy... I was introduced to a "Wug". And then I was introduced to two.

Music Night started and people got into comfortable listening positions, sitting in chairs, stretched out on the floor. Steph knit away. CD album covers were passed around, and liner notes were read. Tool's album 10000 Days featured stereoscopic eyeglasses and art (which kept us busy). Malcolm threatened to play a jazz piece that was 1.5 hours long - but ended up playing "Swing Low Sweet Cadillac". I bopped and bounced around to the music. We joined in to sing with Janis Joplin "Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?" And Rem served tea.

Beth assured me that it would have been o.k. to bring my HK pop. I still cringe at the idea. It is definitely a guilty pleasure - cotton candy with sugar on top. Nor was it my favourite, but it was on hand. We walked to the bus stop. I was sorry to have pulled her away, but very glad I had someone to chat with. And someone to exchange strange looks with when across the way two half-naked boys (men?), perched on unmoving skateboards, yelled at each other.

Saturday, a different music night: TipTip's recital. She's been learning how to sing and invited Wendy and I to see her. Chana Music definitely knows how to put on a show. It had hints of a HK concert with flashing lights, loud beats, and banter between each person's piece. Most of the songs were HK pop. But there were some deviations - such as when the instructor showed up on stage with sunglasses and sang an Elvis tune, and later "La Vie en Rose" played on mandolin with piano accompaniment. There were moments I had to laugh: a demonstration on the synthesizer, and when one singer's lament of "Time to leave" (in Mandarin) sounded like "liquor bar". Most commendable was that all of them had the guts to learn something new and get up on stage. Were some of them living out a life long dream? Brave.

An update on the pedometer: lost, found, and now broken apart. At least I get to see the inner workings. But need to find another motivator.

Another crazy morning at work. Hard to explain to Morgan that things were actually worse last year... I had to remind myself too. However, whole mood was lifted with a surge of happiness for the world when Andrea came by for a visit. Haven't seen her in so long. She brought me a pasanka (not of the famous 40 triangle design, but still amazing) and told me of her latest adventures. I had to ask if it was all like Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures (by Vincent Lam). Her answer: Well, it's definitely not like Grey's Anatomy. It's almost her and Bob's one year anniversary and they're headed for Jasper. I know the mountains will help to recharge her. And when she comes back, we'll see if those tulips that were left by the previous owners match the purple/maroon of the house (They who had painted the lawn accessories to match, might have done so *shudder*).

Celebrated Mother's Day early by going out for dinner with Theresa and family on Thursday. Found out that the kids are pretty good at crossword puzzles. They both knew words that just happen to fit in the 4 and 5 letter constraints. I am very impressed.

Now! Off to the sunshine!

Stomach pains again. Thinking back to Erik's (fairly) recent post on challenging one's trust in oneself... o.k. he puts it much better with examples and everything. Makes me think about all the lies I tell my own body. Yesterday's stomach pains were momentarily tempered with a promise of "I will never eat again." Two hours later, before class, I eat. To ward off the consequences of breaking my promise, I coo, "See I'm drinking water. Water is good." Having proved that my word means nothing to myself, today I'll take a pill.

Yesterday after dinner, borrowed dad's (my?) bike for a short a ride. It seemed the perfect time for a dose of sun, fresh air, pollen, and dust. Already the moisture from the past 3 days had disappeared. And thankfully the same with the "beached" worms on the sidewalk.

Mom called to me as I left the house, "There are little kids riding out there!". I didn't stick around to clarify if that meant: "Watch out!" or "Take notes!"

The knee made crackling noises. I am more afraid of cars and bridges than before, maybe irrationally so. But I force myself to cross one bridge, and another street, weaving through the residential neighbourhoods until I wasn't quite sure where I was. A glint of the setting sun, from between the fencing. Gravestones. Sparkling. I shoke my head in disbelief. I was at the back of the Jewish cemetary. I never thought it would have a back. I would pass the front gates almost every day, and had imagined that beyond that it would go on and onward. Its dimensions defied logic, while I knew that blocks away there were streets. I just never made the connection. It has boundaries.

I then roll down a hill of green.

From Friday

Jenn has suggested I blog my notes from Friday... without explanation. This will be short... and very confusing. Thou hath been forewarned!

- Mario, Luigi... Jeff, the other brother
- Application of quadratic (?) equations to taxation policy, or logarithmic
- Meaghan: "Economically agnostic"

Malcolm: "Ophelia should be hot."
Stephen: "Because it's only tragic when beautiful people die."

- Erik: "Running makes you stupid" and on helmets "You look better without one"
- Milk!
- No Logo - book

Another kind of Grammie

I am such a groupie. And this time: Jay Ingram! And U of A researchers talking about their research, and how to deal with the media. Brilliant work as each had prepared a talk, but then Jay (Slywester: Are we close enough to call him "Jay"? Or should it be "Mr. Ingram"?) gave them each a special challenge: incorporate the randomly choosen prop from the box, spin the wheel for the word of the day, or use one randomly chosen Powerpoint slide. I was amazed at how well each of them did. It was also very entertaining (me think improv).

Dr. Margaret-Ann Armour on the first round got the word "Caffeine" and weaved it into her talk about rendering toxins non-toxic. Dr. Philip J Currie was forced to use "slide number 5" (right) of his 36 slide presentation, and told a very animated story about how they found the specimen, and how most dinosaurs have "wishbones". A toaster later, made an appearance.

Very glad that I bumped into Slywester. He identified that the different sushi we were eating was salmon, the other kind of salmon, and our dessert, obviously, dessert salmon. And he convinced me that I simply must get a picture with Jay. So I stood there giggling nervously, turning red, and getting more embarassed. Of the two shots this was the better (the other featured the back of both of our heads as he joined me to turn away from the camera). Then he told us about his latest latest trip to India to do a piece on "Dubbawallas".

From the actual class learned: Brevity, modulation, and visuals. I ramble too much to fit the first category. Additional information: Cool research at U of A! Must learn more.