Inside LT's Backpack

All that Geometry Dash (James) and Loud House (Emma) and Prada (Enhypen) have not confused it.  The algorithms know me and have delivered: Inside Louis Theroux's Backpack, a British Vogue "In the Bag" episode.  

It's like looking into a mirror...

New Skill

Surprise!  James can beatbox!  

I'm so impressed (and tickled) that it doesn't bother me (too much) that his song features me being flushed down a toilet.  Emma does some decent backup "singing" too.  

Re: Food wrappers in James's bag

Here's to thinking positively... 

I would too.

Overheard in the garden store today:

"Can I help you find something ma'am?"

"I'm looking for my 92 year old mother in law, this is her first outing in a year, we think she may have gone... rogue..."

At least he's consistent?

Yesterday morning: 

Me: "Oh, no your finger is bleeding.  Have you been biting your nails again?"

James: "No, Emma came in at night and bit me."

This morning: 

Me: "Oh, no you're wet."  

James: "No, Emma came in at night and pee on me." 

____________________________________________________________

Tall tales, Emma-blaming, and lying are supposedly, for his age, "a sign of intelligence", but it's so tiring and frustrating.  I'm reading the articles* and trying not to get too worked up.  Paul's take got me to laugh (until I wanted to cry again): "At least he's consistent."

* How to Discipline when your Child Tells Tall-Tales, Fibs and Lies and 8 Seemingly Innocent Child Behavioral Problems Parents Shouldn’t Ignore

She's a witch!

 Sarah Andersen gets a hat trick this week. 

December 1: 

The Closet (A) = The Toy Box 

He (B) = James 

I (C) = Emma 

[Though, also, where (B) is me, and (C) is the both of them, and (A) is every dang thing in the house! Ack stop touching things!!!]

December 2: 

The reason why I'm "chain-streaming" accounting-finance-auditing webinars while trying to do laundry, cook, toddler-proofing, making a new office space, etc. Yep, I could have done some more professional development (or any of those other things) earlier this year (COVID is only part of it), but no.

Thankfully, Emma's spending more time at my mom's and James is at daycare.  I can do it!  

December 5/6: 

A whole week of plus temperatures (around 6 degrees), and a high of 9 predicted for today.  "Yay!" and "Uh-no!" captured perfectly.  I'd smile if I wasn't ready to cry.  

Triceratops or or Cthulhu?

Triceratops 

or Cthulhu? 

Why we still don't have a vegetable scrubber or kitchen timer or...

OK, only mostly why (see history of indecision).  

Water, water, everywhere...

Or _Two Out of Three Ain't Bad_

A mop exclusively for my yacht?  That I bought at Dollarama? 

Well, I guess if reading / listening to Kevin Kwan's Crazy Rich Asians series has taught me anything is that the old wealthy from Singapore definitely know how to keep their money... so maybe yes.

I can dream I'm on a yacht... we both have poop decks :P

Squashing it!

Emma is not amused.  But at least I didn't drag her to a pumpkin patch (apparently it's a thing -- see below), though it probably would have been pretty fun with/for James. 



Anyway, her little friend was from my parents' garden; they gave it to me about a month ago saying it was a yellow zucchini.  It is not.  I didn't notice until I cut it open to make a zucchini loaf.  Time to experiment: Baked butternut squash it is!  It's pretty tasty... though can one really go wrong with butter and cinnamon?

In other non-news: still no MUS caught.

Now, and things to look forward to?

From Fatherly "51 Moments of Parenting That Are Absolutely Terrible"

• Realizing that something smells terrible and the only way to figure it out is by sniffing your kids’ asses and clothing as though you were a truffle hog.
• When your kid gets up at 4 a.m., thinking it’s real morning and is energized and stoked to get the day started.
• When your kid becomes obsessed with putting on their own socks and, even though they can’t do it, they’ll yell at you for trying to help until, an hour later, they ask you to fix their crooked sock.
• When your toddler has a Level 10 meltdown and you desperately want to know what happened but you realize that it’s impossible to understand what set them off, let alone translate the angry language they’re speaking.
• Understanding that parenting is introspection, and that, while it’s great to have a better awareness of yourself, you will constantly see your faults reflected back at you.
• When your hand becomes the go-to place for your kids to spit out food they think is gross.
• When it takes 15 minutes to walk 50 feet because, Oh, look there’s a stick, and Oh, there’s a stoop to sit on, and Oh, is that an ant?
• When your kid crawls into bed and wants to sleep so close to you that their head is on your pillow, they’re breathing on your nose, and their hair is in your mouth.
• When you have to repeat same routine every single morning on every single day — to remind your kid to eat their cereal, brush their teeth, get dressed, put on sneakers, put their dirty clothes not near the laundry basket, not adjacent to the laundry basket, but inside the laundry basket. Every. Single. Day.
• When you’re hit with an inevitable health emergency of a child that makes you realize how fragile their life actually is and how very little control you have of sustaining it.
• When you understand that your kid is simply emotionally limited, but also knowing that you can’t help but see them as a spoiled, no-good, terrible little adult with sociopathic tendencies.

2018 Calendar Boys

Happy year of the Earth Dog*!

An even shorter photoshoot this time.  James is already "crayoning-in" plans for December --  Paul seems a bit wary about that. And he didn't even see this video yet!  

Bad (on-purpose?) translation of one the most popular new year songs with dogs lip-synching.  Amusing and creepy, oh, the wonders of the internet!  

* Though this dog on the calendar looks a lot more like fluffy kitty.  How can we even tell sometimes with all the wacky dog breeds?! 

Why didn't I think of that?

For our mystery kitchen sink leak:

"DIY Tip!  When your faucet is leaking you can make it stop by burning the house down."

Time Lapsed - Some Old Photos

Mom had ideas for James (a bath, a nap...) -- so while we waited, Jackie and I flipped through some family photos.  Mom's albums were rarely labelled and weren't in any particular order -- neither the albums nor the photos were standard sized, so she stuck photos where ever there was space*. 

*I should take some pictures next time to illustrate that...

This is what we found:

Photos from Angela and Patrick's wedding (that would be 1978?).

Right: The tea ceremony at my parents'

Below: At the reception - Nancy, Gary, Theresa, Angela, Patrick, Donald, Tim, and Kathy

























Dad's early backyard gardening attempts (Jackie: "You were pretty handsome back then."  Tim: "I'm always handsome.")  

A studio photo from China, rare because it was one of the few we found of Linda (Linda, someone, someone else, someone else-else, and my grandfather 爺爺 - Linda and Dad's dad). 












Photos at Linda and Gary's house (based on the fact I wasn't there: 1976-1977?):

Left: Theresa, York, Tim, and Angela

Right: York, Tim, Theresa, and Angela

Below left: Donald, Gary, and Theresa

Below right: Ernie and Gary




















I know Jackie was really interested in the photos of China, but I was interested in the people I knew and, of course, me!  And so we have it:


Below left: Despite being 2 weeks early (and only 5 lbs 6 oz) I quickly "caught up" and became this chubby baby.  NB: They still have those couch cushions! 

Below right: Mom and me (at around 3 months-old, based on the X-mas tree). 






I'm looking forward now to my next visit to my parents'.  Goal: Photograph and label more of those photos!  (And ideally, find some evidence of me being a cute baby.)

Drama-Free Friendship Manifesto

Recently read Renegademamma's post "THE NO-BULLSHIT, NO-DRAMA FRIENDSHIP MANIFESTO" (from apocalypse mamma?) -- I laughed and became even more thankful for the drama-free friendships I've been blessed with in my adult life.

But things change, and these are trying times, I've become one of the worst flakes ever and I know that's frustrating... but I also have faith my friends and I (whether mothers or not) will be there for each other when it matters.  

So, I'm lifting this straight off from Renegademamma's "THE NO-BULLSHIT, NO-DRAMA FRIENDSHIP MANIFESTO to make my Drama-Free Friendship Manifesto (an understanding that makes friendship easier).  

P.S. I love you!  And I'm not calling you a flake (or a mother)!

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My Drama-Free Friendship Manifesto is basically The No-Bullshit, No-Drama Friendship Manifesto with #23 struck out (I don't hate them and I can't guarantee I won't give parenting advice, though I'll try), #12 gender neutralised, "child" and "children" removed when not applicable, and again, not calling you a flake or a mother!  Thanks again, Renegademamma for writing this: 

1. I will not get on your case for not texting me back in a timely manner.
2. I will not get on your case for not calling me back in a timely manner.
3. This is because I will soon be the one not calling and texting you back in a timely manner.
4. If you tell me you’re going to call me back “in a few minutes” I understand I may not hear from you for 3 days.
5. I know this is not because you don’t love me.
6. If I need you for real, I will harangue and harass you until you acknowledge me. This process includes, but is not limited to: calling, texting and emailing (repeatedly), instant messaging, tweeting, tagging on Instagram, showing up on doorsteps, actually leaving voicemails (!) and/or contacting spouses.
7. This will not annoy you because you know you’re a fucking flake.
8. This will not annoy me because I know I’m a fucking flake.
9. If you don’t RSVP to my kid’s birthday party for 3 weeks then call the morning of the event and say “Uh, yeah, um, sorry, but can we come?” I’m not going to express profound irritation through a suppressed sigh and deep pause, rather I’m gonna be like “Yeah that’s cool, but do you have any candles? I forgot the effing candles.”
10. And I’m going to be happy you came, because we’re friends.
11. When my kids are acting like shitheads and you’re like “Hey child, No.” I won’t get all righteously indignant. Instead I’ll look at you in gratefulness for dealing with the little bastards so I don’t have to.
12. When you get pissed at your husband, I will agree he is the most sorry d-bag to ever walk the planet and we shall plan for the day when we live on an all-female commune with organic produce, llamas and wool spinning-wheels. And redwood trees. And the ocean.
13. Even if you’re clearly the asshole.
14. When you swear in front of my kids I won’t care. Because obviously.
15. The dinners you make uniformly blow my mind.
16. Whoever has the youngest (or worst behaving child) at the moment gets to make decisions. We all understand that children are often foul, insane little creatures and it needn’t even be mentioned that we DON’T BLAME YOU.
17. Maybe your house is clean. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe who gives a rat’s ass?
18. When I say something stupid that could be conveyed as insulting or whatever, you’re not going to get all overly sensitive and weird, calling mutual friends and psycho-analyzing what, exactly, my problem is (probably going back to childhood), rather you’re going to call me out on it and then I’m going to apologize and we’re going to move on, LIKE ADULTS, because occasionally adults say stupid shit, the end.
19. When you say something stupid, I’ll either do number 18 or, and I know this is revolutionary, I’LL LET IT GO.
20. We tell each other the truth (except the asshole part when fighting with domestic life partners).
21. When my jeans are sagging, you’re going to lovingly take me shopping. Or you’re going to not notice. These are the only two options.
22. The only time I’m going to one-up you is to prove I’ve screwed up worse than the time you’re currently feeling terribly about.
23. I will not give helpful parenting advice. You will not give helpful parenting advice. WE ALL HATE THE MOM WITH HELPFUL PARENTING ADVICE.
24. I understand that “on time” means “not as late as I usually am.”
25. When our conversation gets interrupted nineteen hundred and forty seven times by one kid or another and that thing I was going to say that was so funny and interesting is forgotten entirely, I won’t get hurt feelings.
26. When I borrow a baby item, don’t return it, then, 2 years later, when you ask for it back and I’m like “Yeah I don’t think we have that anymore,” you’re like “oh okay” but then, 4 months later, when I find it in a bin in my garage, you’re like “It’s cool.”
27. Because we’re both fucking flakes, except when it matters.

And we’ll know when it matters, because WE ARE FRIENDS.

TipTip, Li Found, and the Elf

TipTip and Li Found visited today!  I hope I wasn't too much of a wreck.  Mom had tidied, so that part was good.  She also tried to get them to take some fruit... but they just wanted to talk.  And it was nice.  They shared bits about being a grandparent, and parent to a parent in the 2000s.  I'm seriously hoping some of their "chill" rubs off. 

They brought us some cute clothes and also a few soft silicon spoons -- it won't be long before he'll need that!   Or so they tell me! 

Later, when Paul comes home, he discovers James is secretly an elf (check out those ears). 

I'm here all week.

"We both live with a poo-making machine..."

Roly-Poly Tummy Time

Um... I'm not sure about this...

Waaah!

But wait, I will rise again!  

TIT Talks

Thought Leader Gives Talk about Thought Leadership that Will Inspire Your Thoughts.  

Sort of. 

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Celebrity Endorsement

James wears PC brand diapers.  This isn't because of my intense consideration or evaluation.  Simply, they're the cheapest that work (Teddies Choice / Brand didn't work).  For a while, he wore Huggies because they were given to us at the hospital, and there were coupons and things to make them affordable.

Anyway, Melissa passed along diapers Eli's grown out of.  They're Pampers and they're just sooooo cute!  I'm not even a fan of Elmo and still I'm thinking... um.. well, what am I thinking?  That we should switch? 

My brain is broken, but is it that broken? 

I definitely love my Sesame Street (and rather meh about Mickey), but enough to pay a premium for something almost never seen and disposable?  Nope*.  I'll just have to be happy with the fact that these exist and that they are cute.  (And have photos of them here.)


*Even if baby Ernie reminds me of James.  :P