I certainly didn't expect to be back to normal 36 hours after giving birth (like the actresses or celebrities that make headlines on magazines), rather something more like Erica Andrews in her 24-hours-post-partum selfie. I didn't expect this. My ankles are so swollen they've disappeared. My feet have ballooned so they barely fit in my flip-flops. There are 15 staples and 4 stitches holding together a leaking incision. And again, there's pain that makes it hard to even roll out of bed.
I guess, I should be amazed and appreciative. The little heater that kept me warm from the inside now needs me to help regulate his temperature -- and my body can do that. This body of mine is also (in theory) able to provide all the food he needs. But I am not there. I wish I could feel strong like Erica Andrews feels, about being whole with this little person...
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Rhonda came back as promised to help with breast feeding. When we again couldn't get him to latch, she came through again and brought me a breast pump.
I tried to multi-task, holding him skin-to-skin and pumping milk at the same time, but it doesn't work. With my feet up to help the swelling, the pumped milk (the few ml of colostrum) run down my side instead of into the collection container... more pain for naught. I cried. Some tears land on his head. At least he's warm.
1 comment:
I'm sorry this was such a tough experience for you. I get the feeling that this is true in many, many cases, but it just doesn't get talked about very much as public cooing over the new arrival takes over all conversation. I think I've read that the hormones released during labour are supposed to help erase some of the memories of the whole experience but you probably didn't even get to have that benefit. I'm so impressed at how you've been getting through this stuff and sorry I haven't been a more useful friend in this process. Please call / email if there's anything I can do. You know, that ideally doesn't involve holding babies... ;)
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